Want to Advertise? Fuck You.

  • AdWerdz makes it easy for you to rip your hair out
  • Local? National? It doesn't matter. Your ads won't show
  • Seriously. Our Company is so big we don't want your fucking money. Thanks for collecting data for us the past few years! We don't need you anymore.

Gurgle Adwerdz is a great way for you to advertise your business. Unless your business is considered a scam by our bullshit algorithm or stupid ass reviewers. If your business collects mortgage leads, or sells chocolate to old ladies ... it doesn't really matter to us - you're probably scamming someone!

Our advertising rules make no fucking sense. We are retarded. We let Google Biz Opp Scams run for like 18 months before we realized what was going on.

Ninja Optimization Technology

  • SE0 - Very basic shit. Our spiders fuck your Meta tags in the butt hole.
  • SE1 - More advanced. Only specialized link ninjas and social media experts know how to utiliize the power of bullshit.
  • SE2 - This is shit from the future. Seriously, robots from the future were sent back in time to deliver this technology specifically to Gurgle.

Adwerdz implements the latest technology for search engine spiders to display your content. We use SE0, SE1, and SE2 spider technologies. This shit is so new you probably never heard of it - unless you are in Amit Mehta's super affiliate mastermind group.

If you can master Ninja Optimization, then all of your dreams will come true. You can buy fancy cars, or do two chicks at the same time.

How AdWerdz Works

  • Truthfully, it doesn't really work. We make this shit up as we go along.
  • Seriously, most employees just come here for the free food.
  • It's just so much easier to ban everybody instead of "providing support"

You set up your ads, input your keywords, and all that other shit. Then you input billing information. The whole process of getting started with AdWerdz takes about 20 minutes.

But chances are your ads won't run. Probably because we think you're a fucking scammer.

Your ads should display when people search for keywords, and within various websites within our content network. This is the way it used to work. We deliver ads - you send money.

Not anymore. With our latest updates, we ban your account permanently. Forever.

We don't give a fuck how legit your business is. We never want you advertising with us again. AdWerdz will ban your IP, company name, and any account tied to it. We'll ban your pets, your driver's license number, anybody that is roughly the same weight and height as you, and we are now launching technology that will ban strains of your DNA (patent pending)

Do You Need Support? You Must Be High.

  • AdWerdz employees get a list of canned responses to send you if you have a question.
  • We promise that every reply to your question will be of no value to you, and only make you want to kill yourself.
  • The chances of you getting a useful answer from an AdWerdz specialist are about as good finding useful information on Tyler Cruz's blog.
Gary

This is Gary. He used to work for AdWerdz support. He was an account special for almost 4 years.

But then Gary got promoted to management. He set a AdWerdz record of not answering over 50,000 questions and complaints.

This is level of quality support that Adwerdz strives to provide for our advertisers. Our support specialists are trained to copy and paste from a spreadsheet of useless responses. If a canned response can't be found in our database, our support specialists are told to mash on the keyboard until you give up.



Dear Google: Please send your C&D to gary [at] adwerdz.com. We will get back to you as quickly as possible.